The Art of Exhaustion
Whoever said “find something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” clearly didn’t live through a cost of living crisis. Balancing work with a creative passion is a challenging pursuit. I have dreams of making photography my full time career but, for now, I’m pulled between a world of structure and a regular pay check, and the dazzling glamour of lunch-break admin, lugging camera gear into the office and endlessly grazing on protein bars as mealtimes pass me by. I’m lucky that I like my full time job and don’t live in seething resentment (most of the time).
Work can be repetitive and tiresome, add onto this the thought of extending myself and leaving less time for rest, it all becomes a bit daunting. I use to ponder this a lot over weekends as I walked around with my camera dreaming about being paid for walking around with my camera. The truth being that I’d be shooting anyway, regardless of the negativity bias that seeps into my daydreams.
The enjoyment I get from photography supersedes a lot of the exhaustion of working six to seven days a week. I often feel energised from finishing a project and sharing the work but I’m certainly not here to promote “grind culture”. When every waking moment is about work in some form or another, even things you enjoy, something else will be suffering and despite what our bosses might think, we’re not machines.
I’m constantly battling with the temptation to say “yes” to every job that comes my way. My conscience is regularly challenged with fears that each photography job offered to me will be the last. The second half of last year was busy with work and this year is gearing up to be more of the same so carving time to rest will be essential. But, still there, scratching at the back of my head is the feeling that it will all suddenly stop dead…I’ll write a separate blog about self doubt!
When I talk about rest I mean real rest. The put your feet up, eight hours of sleep, 60 bpm’s sort of rest. Not ten pints and a 3am kebab sort of rest. Which is frustrating because the latter is my favourite (and definitely has its place).
More painful than the doubt and the fear of crashing and burning is, by far, having to turn down exciting photography opportunities because of my nine-to-five, the likes of which could help me take a step towards the future I want. The heart wrenching feeling when I can’t rearrange my week or take time off on short notice. What are we here for if not to pursue our passions, but responsibilities are responsibilities are responsibilities, and sometimes they don’t align with passions but are instead pissed on from a great corporate height.
Through all of this what have I learned? The weeks are long. Work can suffer through fatigue. It’s okay to say “no” every once in a while and may better serve you in the long run. Above all, being present and setting short term goals has served me well. I have a terrible habit of getting lost in my mind, running away into the future or the past which leaves me stranded and unfocused in the present. Mindset and building good habits is half the battle and a constant work in progress.
Nothing I can offer is groundbreaking. The real point is finding the reason to keep shooting. Yes, to make money from photography full-time would be a dream but I can’t wrap my very meaning around finances. That would only produce dullness. Much like believing that the will of man is written on the heart of the individual, maybe the very meaning of my photography is written in my heart, and the meaning of your creativity, in yours.
Five tunes to shoot to:
Madra Salach – Blue & Gold
Black Balloons – Denzel Curry
Rye Lane Shuffle – Moses Boyd
Vcr – The Bronx, Brady Dalle
I have been to the mountain – Kevin Morby